What's keeping me from pursuing a life completely and utterly relying on Him?
Why would God choose me, I'm the most unqualified?
How would I even do this?
What if I chose this path and have nothing to show for it 5 years down the road?
What am I doing to further the kingdom?

I've been thinking and quarreling with these questions in my head. I was driving home, asking God why He would drop this opportunity into my lap. Randomly I thought about the parable in Matthew 25. About the servants that were given money. The 2 servants went and doubled it, and the 1 servant buried his talent to keep it safe. The master scolded the one servant for being lazy with his talent. The other 2 servants risked what their master had given them, but doubled it back for their master. This might not mean a lot to anyone else, but it dawned on me. Even though I have so little to give, hiding it won't honor God. Although it's a risk, that risk won't go unnoticed by God. God will multiply whatever I'm willing to serve Him with.

Peter and Andrew saw the miracle Yeshua performed, dropped their nets, and followed Him. Why shouldn't I do the same? A life lived for Jesus is something you'll never regret. So the question was, If there was no ceiling, what do you think God's calling for your life is” In all honesty, I have no idea. I just wanna be a vessel that God can use. I want to be able to hear from the Spirit and move. Like it says in Matthew 8. I want to heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, and cast out demons. I want to be able to speak in tongues and pray in tongues. I want to be able to prophesy over people and situations. I want to hear from God, so clearly that it drowns out my thoughts. I want to have the spirit tell me exactly what to say when ministering to someone. I want to be able to give people the words they need to hear. Whether that's correction or comfort. I don't want to fear man. Overall at the end of the day, I do not want to do anything less than what He has called me for. I want to be used by God. Whatever way that looks like.

I have a heart for the youth. Any age. I love being able to show love and comfort to others. I have a calling for the misfits and the ones that aren't seen. I’m not completely sure why, but that's my heart. I want to show the ones that are overlooked, that God sees them. I have a heart for orphans and battered women. Any opportunity that I can love on others. I don't know the plans God has for me, whether that's street preaching, going to orphanages, or speaking at schools. If there is no ceiling, let's do it all. Let's take God out of the box. It doesn't seem possible that I could do any of that, but if it's God's will, He will equip me with everything I need. So with that being said, I want to heal the sick, raise the dead, bring hope to the hopeless, show love to the ones who are overlooked, be a big sister to the sisterless, show God's love to those who have never felt it, preach the gospel, testify to His goodness, be His hands and feet, and ultimately I want to be able to look back and see God’s hand in every step of my life.

And with that, the fears and questions I had in the beginning.

What's keeping me from pursuing a life completely and utterly relying on Him?
Fear that I'm not the right person for this calling, which is a lie. God will equip me with everything I need.

Why would God choose me, I'm the most unqualified.
God doesn't choose the qualified, He qualifies the ones He's called.

What if I chose this path and have nothing to show for it 5 years down the road?
In my heart, if God can impact one life through my obedience, wouldn't all of it be worth it?

What am I doing to further the kingdom?
I'm going to live a life that reflects His love and be obedient to what He wants me to do.